Been awhile

It’s been quite awhile since I posted a blog on here. Life gets so busy. Life has been goin on around me. I worry that I will be in the same spot I am in right now in a year but dont know how to change that. Not even sure what it is that I want. Had a really rough night with T the other night. I actually had to walk out of the house because I was so upset over how he was acting. Sitting on the floor crying like a baby. Fake crying I might add. I called my dad, just to have someone to be a buffer for T and I. He came down to my house, went into T’s room and they talked. T came out, apologized to me, brushed his teeth and went to bed. It was nice to have the support without the criticism. So Prick calls and asks to talk to T. I tell him that he is talking to my dad. Well off Prick goes that he doesnt want my dad disciplining his son. I said he came down to talk to T and give me some needed help. Prick said I should be calling him then proceeded to say he would “beat my dads ass”. OK number 1, that is just the wrong thing to say to me! Number 2, try it. I dont think my dad would just stand there and let Prick beat on him, he’d give him a run for his money. Number 3, you touch my dad….u deal with us kids. Most importantly, we’re adults! My dads in his 50’s, Prick is 34. High school ended for some of us a long time ago. This is how we teach our kids to solve things? With violence? I hang up on him 3 times for yelling at me. I will not be talked down to by this douchebag.

Went camping for the first time ever a few weeks ago. Really had a ton of fun. The latrines were the hardest part but I got used to it. Went canoeing too. We tipped it over 3 times, after the 3rd I was ready to hold myself under water and just drown myself! We are in this river that in some parts you get stuck cuz the water is that shallow. We manage to tip over in the only part that is about 4 ft deep and the water is rushing cuz a tree is downed. Im trying to hold onto the canoe while its filling with water and pulling me towards the downed tree as its sinking. I hollar for my friend to help. She tries to help and yells out snake! I’m terrified of snakes so I said fuck it! and let go of the canoe. I hauled ass to the shore. The canoe ended up getting stuck under the downed tree under the water. Some very nice ppl then helped my friend get the canoe out but it took a long time. I said leave the damn thing there and the company can come get their own canoe. I was standing there and this little girl is shouting to her mother that she wants to go to hell. Im like ….ok. Then another little girl asks me if I’d rather pay a fine for the canoe or let her dad drown. I said What? She said “would u rather pay a fine for the canoe or let my die trying to get it out?” I said I’d rather pay a fine. This shocks the little girl. She says really? I look around me and say where the hell are you ppl from? My God! It was like I was standing on the shore with the Manson family or some equally possessed group. We were waiting for another canoe that was in our group to show up, when all the sudden beer cans start floating our way, rum bottle, flotation cushions, coolers, shoes, clothes…all belonging to our “rescue party” that we were waiting for to help get our canoe out. I’m collecting as much as I can, dragging it all to the edge of the river when one of the Manson girls begins screaming “save the beer, get the beer, dont let the beer go!” She has to be all of maybe 8. Again I question where the hell these ppl were from!! Long story short…we had fun. Even as we tried to figure out why it took 10 minutes to get to the canoe place from our campsite but took us 5 hrs to get back!! We didnt even make it to the last stop where we were supposed to! I was with a group of ppl I didnt even know but I think we will become friends. I think we will be invited back too. We’re all facebook friends now. It’s all part of my plan to do more things that are not my norm. It felt good!

HAHAHA!

There comes a time when you just know you’re goin to get the chance to say something that you really want to say. You know you’ll only have a split second to say it or let the moment pass. Well, I’m not a ‘let it pass’ kinda gal! I knew there would come a time when I would run into the so called used to be friend, commonly reffered to as Two Faced Whore or TFW for short. Today was that day. We were at the fair and she honestly thought she was going to walk right past me and act like I wasnt there. Oh hell no. So I say her name. (her real one not tfw) she stops and says “oh hi how are you”. I said well i was much better before I heard the big news. She says to me that she is so sorry. I ask if she has any idea how bad it hurts. She says she cant imagine, she says she would hate if it happened to her and if the shoe were on the other foot she’d be pissed too.Yet its ok how???? She said she had nothing to do with my divorce with Prick. I said Oh yea, the day the papers were signed you then all sudden saw each other and fell madly in love. Whatever do I look stupid?? She said well it was nothing like that, I said oh but it is now. She then had the gonads to ask me what she did wrong. I said u dont claim to be someones friend then date their ex husband. So she starts to say the same speech I hear from Prick (we were only friends thru prick, the fact that she and I went out and she came to my bday party, toy partys and stopped by and chatted with me or invited me to chat with her at work are basically all non-existant.) So I interrupted that line of bullshit and said you know, whatever the two of you have to say or tell ur urself or tell each other, in order to justify the fact that ur two pieces of shit and totally lack morals, u go right on ahead. But I dont want to fucking hear it. you know what uve done is wrong. She well this is why shes been trying to avoid me. I said REALLY thats ur reason?? You knew u were in the wrong and u knew it! You also knew that I would say something and luckily for u, I dont want to go to jail and neither you or him are worth it. Thats why you avoided me. So then she says Well after all the stuff  you said about me…I said “damn right i did! I think you are a fucking bitch! I fucking hate you! If you were to die to tomorrow I wouldnt even fucking care!” What i wish i would have added onto that was, “bitch you dont know 1/10 of the shit I say about u, TRUST ME!!” I told her that they were perfect for each other and morally bankrupt!  When the kids came up tho I walked away and let it go. I wasnt going to do this in front of them. Ali walked with TFW to show her the animals. She was actually going to walk right past me. I said oh hell no. U can walk with TFW but u will not just walk right past me and ignore me. I told the kids they dont have to choose between us because I am their mother! But since TFW will be part of their lives and they want to be around her. Thats fine but dont ignore me like im not here.  We talked and I think the kids get it. T seemed more worried about me and my reaction cuz when i walkd away, he followed. Course he wanted money.  So after all this I called Prick and of course got his voice mail. I said “i feel its common courtesy that u tell ur pet to keep her hands off my kids when im around. She wants to mother someone, bitch can go mother her own kids or her grandkids. (no, shes not a grandma, thats another one of those senior digs)I said “you wouldnt like it if some man was playing daddy to ur kids right in front of you. So show some respect. Oh and before she gets a chance to tell you, or she may have already. I told her I fucking hated her and called her a fucking bitch. So there u go!”  He called a little bit ago and didnt say anything about the scene. He wants me to bring it up but theres no way. That first confrontation is over so I can relax a bit! thought about showing up to the fair judging days with her ex husband. She wouldnt like it but Prick would flip! HA!

What if Pinocchio was real?

If Pinocchio was real?? Well, we’d have some big nosed mother fuckers walking around. It seems the whole world is just made up of liars. Little things are lied about so much too. I have a brother who would tell me it was sunny out as I was getting drenched in the rain right in front of him. Makes me wonder, am i lied to all the time? Am I paranoid? Or do I just totally suck at telling the difference?  To be fair to myself, I think sometimes I want to believe ppl. I want to believe this person looking me in the eye cares enough to be honest.

I was talking to my friend Beks. I was bitching bout Prick and how I allow myself to get sucked into his bullshit repeatedly. She was honest and told me that I bring some of it on myself. I know this to be true and I totally agree but im impressed that she has the balls to say that to me while I’m in my self loathing, self pity stage. Not all ppl want to hear the truth. They’re not willing to see past their own nose to the problems that they, in fact, contribute too. I know I contribute and sometimes ignite, the whole situation with Prick. Sometimes I want to argue with him. Sometimes I want to hurt him like he hurts me. It however, never makes me feel better and always ends up with me crying. Hello?? Enough self inflicated torture yet?? It’s a cycle. I pull away, I allow myself to get sucked back in, I end up sick and depressed and then the cycle goes round again. Usually if i pull away, he’ll call and call and start shit, asking me whats wrong until soon we’re fighting. However, once im crying hes done talking and has to go. This is the shit that I let happen. This is the shit that is no longer my problem. This is the shit that the Two Faced Whore now has to look forward to. If not now, in the future. He did tell me earlier that our relationship always involved others cuz I always told ppl too much info. I’m not saying I’m innocent but I think thats a bit much. So I say, “NO, it tends to involve all other ppl because u didnt STOP DATING after we said I do!” While I felt satisfaction at saying this, afterwards its like wow! I’m an idiot.

I’ve been reading the book “My Sister’s Keeper” by Jodi Picoult. It’s causing me to do some deep thinking. As I read thru it I feel about 100 different opinions. I read the parts about Anna and I think how awful it would be to know that u were brought into this world for the purpose of donating to someone else. I think the mom is a total bitch. Then I think of my daughter or my son. Would I have another kid with Prick to save one of mine? Hell yea I would. In a heartbeat! No questions asked. It would have to be artificial insemination tho, cuz God knows where that pencil peckers been. The author makes it so easy to see and feel every characters point of view. So, it makes me wonder. Should I be trying to see Pricks point of view? Then, no, hes a dick.

Life should be interesting in the coming weeks. I just keep repeating my new life outlook. “I’m an adult! We’re divorced! And I dont want to go to jail!”

Is there such thing as loyalty??

Let me just start out by saying, if you dont like the following words, fuck slut whore bitch skank fucking two faced whore or any other words along this line, stop reading now cuz I’m on a roll and itll only get worse.

Ok, its been awhile. Quick run down of  a few recent events. Went out with my friend Ing a few weeks back. Had a blast. Got WAY to drunk and suffered for about 2 days. Worth it? Yes! My son fell on his bike, had to get staples in his head. Happened at Pricks house. He calls me at work to tell me and my heart dropped to the floor. But I met them at the ER and got it all taken care of. Dr made a big point of saying no activities where he could hit his head again w in the next 2 weeks. Secondary injuries are known the lead to sudden death. So Prick asks if T can go dirk bike riding that weekend. The Dr and I both look at him and yell NO!!!! Now I will say that I am just happy my son is ok and I know accidents happen but had this happened at my house, Prick woulda been blaming me, calling me unfit and big ass fight would be going down. But I am the adult and I realize accidents happen. I’m just glad hes ok.

D is a total flop. Dudes got more issues than ive got toilet paper squares. He was all chatty chatty for awhile there and then boom, hes off the radar. Talk about drama-rama. Tells me that the girl hes currently trying to fuck wants a fairy tale and hes going to give it to her. Yea and shes gonna blow smoke up ur ass and shit down ur throat. Men are stupid.

Speaking of stupid men, cant have that convo without a mention about their leader. Prick or fuckface as I now like to call him had a lil chat my children about him dating this girl. Ok so she used to someone I considered a friend, ….ok.. im dealing with that but he tells them not to tell me! Now I realize the two scuz wad douchebag whore skank fucking back stabbing little bitches that they are…probably realize that maybe what their doing isnt right…hmmm Shall we take a moment to ponder the fucking obvious???? Anyways you never tell ur kids not to tell their other parent anything! I dont care what it is. YOu dont put that level of a burden on any kids shoulders. Hell we’ve always told the kids that anytime someone tells u not to tell mom or dad, then thats the first thing u should do. Those are first ppl you should tell. I’ve about had enough! He claims that was never said. Everybody lies but him! its fucking amazing! So T calls me the other day to come get him from dads and skank ass two faced whore is there. Well, she found out I was on my way and lit the fuck outa there! Not too bad of skills for an elderly gas station attendant. To be fair, shes not old, just older than me or fuckface so therefore I make jokes about senior discounts and all that shit, and she works at the gas station her daddy owns. So those two things being cleared up, I will now continue on.  When fuckface and I were on the phone he accused me of trying to get back with him. Said he sat me down so many times and told me if I didnt get my life fixed, or stop doing this or start doing that, that he was gonna leave. He tried for years to change me and I just wouldnt. He says and now u wanna come back? I said WHAT! Im trying to tell you that your a scumsucking fucking piece of shit, where in God’s name do u get that i wan…of never the fuck mind. Hes too stupid to believe that there is a female out there who doesnt worship the ground his short 5′10″ havin ass walks on. Enough bout him for now… i’ll never be able to sleep. Oh and her….she best just keep clear of me.

Now, I feel Im up front, to the point and dont play alot of bullshit. This girl as work is once again putting words in my mouth. Now knowing me the way some of u do….do u really think i need some spoiled whiny ass lil 22 year old speaking for me?? Hell to the fucking NO! I’m gonna catch up with her lying ass tomorrow.  Shit I gotta go to bed b4 I work myself into a tizzy! Oh and one last parting thought, dont shave ur legs in the shower when ur pissed at the world!! Hurts!

Makes you wonder…

Ok so I’m sitting at my daughters elementary school graduation. Having fun, talking to ppl I used to know waiting for the douchebag ass principal to shut the fuck up and let the kids have their moment.  I look down at my phone to see the time and what do u know, D has sent me a text. OMG..hes so desperate hes texting his stalker now?!?! Wow! Super excited am I! So I open it, it says “do u hate me?” Do ducks waddle? To horses eat hay?? So against EVERYONES advice I respond. “Now why would I hate you?” I cant help it. I love to aggravate. His response? “dont know i was kinda dicky to u” I said, “ya think?’ he says yea. I said “well are you over ur dickiness yet” he says he is. I hate to break it to him…hes not. But I told him that I was pissed cuz I was all set to come home and delete him off of facebook and he’d beat me to it. lol. I played it all light and loose. To be honest, hate is an emotion I just dont have time for right now. And what straight man uses the word dicky anyways. Dicky? happy memorial day??I  talked to his cousin (only cuz we’re friends), he brings up D. I blew it off and just denied shit. He’s like, yea D said you guys hung out and had a few beers. I’m like “No we didnt” I told him his cousin wigged out and had some major issues. He tells me that D’s just confused and doesn’t know what he wants. Nothing more attractive than a juvenile, confused man in his mid 30’s. Bet hes got a line at his door. Which I believe belongs to his sister anyways. I did ask if we were cool or he just wanted to know if I hated him. He says we’re cool. No response from me. I want to let loose with a string of explicatives mostyly saved for when I’m drunk..but you know what? Not worth it. He served his purpose. He showed me there is life after Prick and that some men know what theyre doin in the sack. Living, laying and learning. LMAO!

My son and I have this love hate relationship. It’s scary how much we are alike. He was with his dad and a few of his friends this evening so that would be the reasoning behind his wonderful attitude towards women. He was really rude to me, told me to shut the F**k up! so when I smacked his mouth (not hard so dont freak out), I was like look buddy you will not talk to me like that. He starts yelling that im abusing him. Kids 11! I said well I’ll just take u back to ur dad. So I did. He can deal with his shit. Then T yells “get her off our property dad!” and Prick smirks. I said you know “instead of laughing you could be a father and tell him that its wrong to talk to his mom that way!” Then I threw in “you dumbass!” Not helpful, I know but damn accurate!  I dont know what to do with that boy. He’d been doing so well. The only factor that changed was he was with his dad and 2 of his friends. Did I mention all of them have recently been divorced or dumped?

I work with this super annoying girl at work. Shes not from our store, but she thinks she knows more than the rest of the world. I had a great time fixing all her mistakes tonight. Good times. To top it all off, she feels the need to talk to me! Really?? Take your squeaky ass voice over to the other side of the room and stay the fuck away from me. And I get too work with her again tomorrow. I’m excited! Have to take some Xanax b4 I go!

On a good, positive note, My friend Ing is taking me out tomorrow night. I dont know where or whats gonna happen but I am Damn Excited! She’s a good friend and shes been with me thru all Pricks shit. We don’t talk everyday but I can pick up the phone and call her whenever and she’ll be there! I would do the same for her. Thats a true friend there. A few of my other friends want to go too, but nope! I’m not babysitting or worrying bout other ppls probs, I’m going out to have fun and let someone take care of me. Sounds selfish, but I deserve it! I told Ing she has to take my phone tho so I dont drunk text! It’s a problem and I the next day I’m reading shit going OMG…So I’m sure I will have some fun exploits to share when I recover. We always have fun and I’m ready to just go out and Be ME!! Holla! lol

Same Shit …Same Day

So Prick calls me up and asks what plans I have for my kids the next day. I say my dad is having a cookout. He tells me his mom is having one too and he will be taking the kids. I said, Well they can stay with me for an hour or two then go with you. Prick feels that this is not a fair compromise. After all hes been busy all weekend and hasnt seen his kids. And in all fairness he is informing me about the cookout. Oh and did I mention that he is telling me all this info at 9 pm the night b4 his planned cookout? The cookout that is soo important that he doesnt even know what time it starts. He tells me that it doesnt matter what time he tells me, he just has to tell me. He said “We need to work together.” I said “Working together does not mean that you get ur baby ass way asshole!” Not the most mature approach but he brings out the bitch in me like no one else can. We end up with the plan that the kids will stay with me for 2 hours at my cookout then go with him. geeeeeee wish I wouldve thought of that in the beginning of our convo…oh wait! I DID!! He then starts telling me that he threw out his back. I don’t care! stop hanging out at hillbilly conventions and acting like ur 21 instead of almost 34 douchebag and maybe that wont happen. Then he calls me 6 times in a row. One gets to the point where one just wants to throw ones phone into a pool of water. And Prick brings that “One” out in me often.

I went out on Friday night after work. I had a good time. My friend that I went with tho gets a little too chummy with every male she meets. It gets to the point where I feel like I’m the mother and I’m watching out so no one takes advantage of her. I told her I actually feel sorry for her boyfriend. I told the guy she was hanging on that he might as well suck it up and accept the fact that he wasnt getting laid by her tonight. It wasnt gonna happen. She’d hate herself in the morning. I like going out with my other friends cuz its about us having fun, not us seeing who we can meet and who we can mate with. Don’t get me wrong, if we happen upon a random hot guy, no one is turning it down, but we’re out too have fun! I dont have the confidence to go out and just meet men. I can talk to anyone, dont get me wrong. But I need to work on me and I need to lose some weight and be happy with me. I dont feel confident. I feel like a lump of lard! Been going for walks tho lately. I look like a beached whale sweating my ass off but hey, at least I’m up and moving. Course I took a 2 hour nap before I walked today. lol Thanks to E for calling to see if I wanted to go.

I have some really awesome friends. E & Beks are wonderful. I have so much fun with them. I get too be myself and its all ok. I appreciate that. They genuinely care about me too. I think all my friends do. Sher has been my friend forever. She lives far away but I still feel like she’s here for me. She’s still one of my best friends. Steph is more like my sister than my own sister. Ing is just flipping awesome! Kris is great but tends to be up and down on the friendship scale. Karli is super sweet and I’m gonna miss working with her something severe. Dale’s pretty damn great too. I’m blessed with good family and good friends. Yea Prick is in there too but I’m lucky in many other ways.

Are They All Idiots??

Lots been going on lately. D put some pics of his “date” online. Didnt look like it was much of a date to me and he didnt look all that happy. Why did he post it? Probably thought he was cool. Douchebag. So anyways on Monday I texted him to see how his date went. He said he didnt want to talk about it. I said Ok, ttyl. He responds “Dude Im really busy right now”. To me that reply didnt make sense but whatever. So I left it alone. Then I worried (as friends do damnit) so on Wed I sent him a text just said “i should take a hint but im slow, just wanted to make sure you are ok’. he says hes always ok. Told him that he didnt seem to want to chat with me anymore so I wanted to say it was fun to reconnect after all these years. Told him it was his loss cuz we coulda had so much fun as friends. He comes back with He never said we couldnt still have fun. So I’m confused and kinda like whatever. He continues to text then someone saying he was a friend of D’s was texting. I asked if he by chance was a schizo?? Not totally out of the realm of possibilities here! So then I go to sleep and he calls me at 1:00 am. I had taken something to help me sleep and I dont remember a word that was said. So today I texted, hey what did we talk about last night? He comes back with “that ur a stalker”. Surely he has to be kidding cuz I havent done anything that I can think of. I called him and asked if he was kidding or being an ass. He says You call too much. I said I’ve called u twice, and thats including this time. And you told me to call u the first time. He said well u text too much. I said well dont worry i wont contact u again. bye! How do youcall someone at one a.m. and then accuse THEM of stalking u. Stalking?? When in the hell would I have time for that? And why in the world would I want to? Thats not even me. Plus shouldnt a stalker know where u live and drive by ur house, follow u or something? I got home from work and deleted all his messages off of facebook and blocked him. That’s how much of a crazed stalkerI am. However he had already deleted me as a friend cuz he was no longer on my friends list. I immediately feel bad cuz I dont feel bad. If that makes sense?? I also have to stop myself from instantly assuming its something I did. I’m at fault too I’m sure but I dont know what the hell I did. I thought we were gonna be friends. I talked to my friends boyfriends and he says the guy sounds like hes still in high school. He told me I didnt do anything wrong. Wrong or right really doesnt matter I guess. But the flippin mood swings are trippin me out. Whatever! I’m over it! 

I’ve been dying to talk to J from the party. Jen tells me I gotta hang out over there cuz thats where J hangs out. Thats fine, even fun. But when?? All i do is work! When I’m not working, I’m with my kids. They are whats important here. Prick has backed off some lately. Last time I really talked to him he was lecturing me what i need to do with the dog, to train her right. I asked if he laid in bed at night thinking of shit too bitch about.

My daughter had a field trip the other day. On the way home, driving down the highway, the side door to the Royal Excursions bus, flies open. This happened 2 more times before the driver calls dispatch. They tell him to bungee the door. While we’re going ghetto, why dont we just break out the duct tape? Both buses lost air conditioning. The one bus full of kids were actually getting sick. My daughters bus wasn’t as bad but hell the doors were flying open at 70 mph. WTF? They were an hour late getting back to the school. I went to pick her up, left then came back. I was backing into my parking spot and I hit the fucking pole! i mean I was just looking at the pole. I knew it was there. I have no idea what I was thinking. My first thought was Oh shit prick is gonna kill me… Next thought? hehehehe prick cant kill me. HA! It’s just a dent in the bumper…maybe I’ll duct tape it! lol

Why do ppl make it so hard to be nice?

Prick calls me today. He claims T made a comment about Mom going out to get drunk again. Now mind you, I have NEVER been drunk around my kids. I have NEVER even allowed them to see other ppl drunk. I have talked to them about drinking and how it is ok if ur over 21, responsible and dont go overboard or do it often. We’ve talked about Never driving when uve been drinking. I have been up front and honest with them. I have made sure they know that they can call me ANYTIME day or night to come get them, No matter where they are or where I am. If I’m not in position to get them I will find someone who can. And this is not an until ur 21 thing this is an until I’m dead thing. So Prick says that I need to talk to T about this. I said ‘well i hope u assured him that it was ok and that i am responsible and I am careful”. He informs me that since he doesnt know what im doing and he doesnt care, he cant possibly tell T that when I may do something (since he doesnt know what im doing) that i can be trusted to do the right thing. Because if something were to happen it would look bad on his part for lying. I sat in silence for 3 seconds before I called him an ignorant jackass. I mean can u not assure ur child that his mother has more sense than an ant and a brain bigger than a damn pea?? Would it really hurt you to look at someone and realize what they are instead of what half ass backwards stupid thoughts you come up with all on ur own. So I hung up on Prick cuz if I didnt the word vomit wouldnt stop and Id end up saying something that, while I wouldnt regret it, it would serve no greater good. I talked to T about things again, and he told me how it bothers him cuz alcohol is bad (damn the DARE program) and how he worries when he knows I’m out. Sad thing is if I dont have the kids, they think I’m out. Which is not true. I dont drink often and I dont drink much. Last night excluded. The only other time I got drunk was my divorce party. And HELLO…marriage starts with a party it should end with one too. Prick then tells T that “daddy rarely drinks, hardly ever has a beer” Oh for the love of God!! Can u sell that line of shit?? Dude shoulda been a salesman. He talks and I swear he hears words but all i hear is “ImfullofshitImfullofshitimfullofshit”. And hes stupid too. One time, and this is NOT A LIE” We had this deck on the back of our house and it had a little platform type step. One day I come home and hes tearing up this platform step. When I ask what hes doing he actually tells me that hes removing the steps because the ants keep getting into the house. When I inquire when ants started using steps to get into homes he asks (stupidly i might add) If I have a better suggestion. So, i reply Could it be from the two big ass trees hanging over the house??? I am so stunned at his stupidity that I can actually say all this straight faced. So, the trees did come down(only after a branch went thru the garage roof) and the step was replaced with this ghetto ass elf step that anyone with a shoe size over a toddler cant stand on.  Yes I married this man. Doesnt say much, but before Im condemned, I also divorced him. Suddenly “Mr I Cant Keep My Dick In My Pants” is placing himself along side the Virgin Mary and Mother Theresa because he hasnt had a beer in two months. Too bad he isn’t Catholic…cuz I’d feel a Sainthood nomination coming on. All of this said, he is a good father and he does have a good heart. Its wrapped in barbed wire and protected by a castle dragon but its there. My children will never go without and for that I am thankful. He has money and he knows how to make it and hide it. But like I said my children will never go without or go hungry. Ok .. i feel better so im gonna go to bed. I love the comments too. Keep em coming

hhhmmmm….Wow!

OK so yesterday was an interesting day. I have a job where I deal with the public. Not necessarily the best job for me. I have loads of personality but damn little patience for stupidity. Unfortunately, there are a lot of stupid ppl in this world and I’m like a magnet for them. I was at the store one day and these older ppl were arguing over whether it was a turkey or a ham. Now if u cant tell the difference between those two, its time to call Meals on Wheels and just stay ur ass at home. I probably wont be so quick to judge when I’m old but for the love of God ppl! I had an older man yesterday, bitching bout everything wrong with the world. I mean this literally. I wanted to go out and shoot myself just listening to him. Finally I said, well ur just a ray of sunshine arent you? Then I had a lady yell bout trying to get scripts filled for someone else. You cant just walk in and say I’d like to fill Joe Blows meds today. Oh and did I mention she was drunk? People people people.

So, I talked to D a few more times since my last blog. I swear there is not enough room in his life for anyone due to the enormous size of his ego! I finally said, look we established this friend thing so stop flipping out and reading so much into everything i say. I DONT WANT U DUDE! Deal! I have fun talking to him and I think if we hung out it would be a kick ass time but like I said I could never get around his gi-normous head. I’d end up telling him what a douchebag he is and end up with him pissed and possibly maybe a smidgen deflated. I told him bout the party I was goin to. Told him if things didnt work out with his date, to come on over. I knew he wouldnt for fear that I might fall hopelessly and tragically in love with him. So i was at the party and it was sooooo much fun. I was with ppl who I used to hang around with back in the day and they just accepted me w/o question and it was just like I’d never distanced myself from them. I drank alot!! I had some interesting convos with some interesting ppl. Good times were had by all. There was a Super Hot guy there. Everywhere I went, he showed up. I was by the fire. Next I know hes next to me at the fire. I went to go hang out up front, he ended up out front. I left to go to my cuz’s house next door. He came. Stayed near me the whole time. I tried to talk to him some and we shared facts bout us, but that was about it. I almost blurted out that he was hhhhoooooottttt. but I didnt! I figure if he was interested he knows how to get my number. Probably didnt help that I was referring to him by the wrong name all night. From his lips, to my ear…his name got changed. Whats a girl to do?? I had a blast. I felt accepted and loved and wanted. Even by ppl I never met just because of my last name and my family being so flippin awesome!! My great friends Karli and Muffin came to pick me up. How cool is that? Ever just feel like u just have to get home? You dont want to crash on someones couch? You just need a shower and your own bed? Well my friends understand me (it can be challenging) and they came to get me. Even took me thru taco bell drive thru. I was having a problem with the damn tomatos that kept falling out so i was tossing them out the sunroof as we drove along. Again, they totally get me and accept me anyways. That is what I have been missing all this time.

One damper on last nights party was the fact that I was missing someone from the past. I used to be head over heels for this boy S. He hung out with all these ppl from my past and thats how we met. We used to all hang out together and do all the fun stuff teenagers left unattended will do. Well, S died about 12 years ago in a train accident. I didn’t go to his funeral cuz prick threw a rip roaring holy fit when I wanted to go. So in my memories he has always been interconnected with this whole group of ppl from the past. So while i knew he was gone, i still felt like I was waiting for him to show up. Weird i know. But like I said, my memories with this group of ppl always had S in them. I’ve often wanted to go visit his grave site. Take some flowers, just say hi. Try to remember that punk ass laughing. I still remember the first time he tried to kiss me. I wouldn’t kiss him cuz someone told me he had thrown up earlier in the night. Hell no u arent sticking that shit in my mouth. I was blunt back then too. Some ppl dont like it, but its me. It’s who I am. I’ve said it for years but now finally believe it myself, Take me for me or go fuck urself. I know that in order for my life to come together, I have to get it together. Part of that is finding who I am again and having some fun. I intend to do..just that!

And So It Begins

Wow! This will be my first blog ever! My friend E got me into it. It seems like a free form of therapy. I will start out by telling a little about myself. I’m 33..gonna be 34 soon. I am recently divorced although I’ve been seperated for awhile. I have 2 kids that occupy my time, when I’m not working. I work alot tho! I will refer to my daughter as Al and my son as T. I will refer to my ex as Prick, cuz it just fits so well. I have lots of crazy friends. E got me into this. I work w Bek. I have some other great friends. Steph has been in my life forever, so has Sher. Shar and Jen are my cousins. Great friends like Ing, Kris, MB, & Karlita…to name a few. So I’m just gonna jump right in and tell you whats happened lately. I got married young. Prick was my one and only. Well now I’m starting over. I gotta say…it’s been fun. I am a very straight forward, upfront and I have a mouth that, somedays just wont quit. So recently I was using a popular internet site and an old boyfriend contacts me. Refers to me as “his girl”. I, newly single, am absolutely giddy over that one damn comment. Well we message a few times, text some, and then talk on the phone. He tells me how he has me on a pedastal as the first love. Says i broke his heart. Well, I fall for this one. But little does he know…I got what I wanted. So here I am, this newly single, sexually deprived woman. So we are goin at this little argument. He says I’m vulnerable and he doesnt want to use me. I WANT TO BE USED!! So he says hes coming over. I start to shake. Oh shit. I run to the shower and at least wash my body. Cuz, damn what if i smell? Mind you I havent seen this guy in 20 years! Thats a long ass time. I’ve gotten some chub I gotta lose. I’m working on it but not quite near a goal yet. So he gets here…and we waste little time with words. Hubba Hubba!  While I’ve had alot of sex with prick, I have been deprived in the penis length! Holy shit! He had a wonderful technique and he kissed like a dream. It was nice after so long. It could have been he was awesome or it couldve been ive been in a dry spell for so long. But the dry spell was definitely broken. So even if I never see D again….I got the memory. He calls next morning cuz he couldnt find his wallet. It was under my bed. I think that was a Seinfeld episode. I dont really hear from him again. Everyone says “Dont contact him” but like I said I’m way tooo upfront to just wait. I contact him, he said hes busy…i laughed and said whatever. He then honestly, tells me hes interested in someone else. (I dont recall asking for a committment) Wants to know if I can handle this. Ummmm yea. So he calls me in the middle of the night…cuz thats what he does. Jen tells me im nuts and i have weird relationships with men. I’m wired wrong I guess. But whateva!!  So i really havent heard from him and his one letter answer texts. I politely suggested that he learn a few more letters of the alphabet so he could form whole words. My new philosophy in life is If you dont like me, fuck u. I dont care. I am who I am and I dont need ANYONE to make me feel like shit. This is new me. This is the me that was here before prick broke my spirit. Obviously D didnt go anywhere either…but like I told him..that was just unfinished biz. I got what I wanted. Who cares what he wanted. I’m going to meet E for margaritas later and then im going to a block party tomorrow night! I am so excited. I have a life!

I could do some bitching about my job too. I work too much and dont know what i really want to be when i grow up. Ive worked for a dentist…but he went to rehab. Ive worked for schools. Ive worked at a pharmacy. I also worked at a crafts store. I still think I should go back to school but idk what for. Like I said I dont know what i wanna be when i grown up. For now I’m working  2 jobs and trying like hell to keep up at home. It’s not easy thats for sure. I’m going to make a list here of what I want to say to some ppl like E did.

#1…You are a bitch! How do u sleep with married men and still get up and look at ur haggard ass face in the mirror?

#2…You are a jackass! How do u sleep with haggard ass women and still manage to make me feel like I’m the one with the problem?

#3…And honestly! you call urself a mother?? dont kid urself woman. Ur fucking nuts and you have no morals! Who doesnt want their kids to get along? Keep playing the victim! It works for you.

#4…I dont miss you, i miss your family.

#5…Who the hell are you to tell me how great u look and how hot u think u are? Ok so u had it going on down south but really ur personality could use some work.

#6…I cuss like a sailor. Deal with it!

#7…You have got to get rid of that squeaky ass voice. It’s nails on a chalkboard for me. I dont like working with you. I dont like looking at you. Your life and mine will be better if you just dont speak to me.

#8…I cant decide if im friends with you or not. I think u are nuts. I think ur ex is nuts. I’m trying to be nice cuz I dont know what else to do. Luckily uve backed off a bit so that helps.

#9…I may need an intervention for my outspoken ass…but i’ll never change. I dont have what it takes to just let it all go and let what happens happens. If someone pisses me off, they know where they stand.  I don’t play games, and i dont front.

#10…Lastly…i’m thankful for the friends and family that i have in my life. They are there by choice! They are there for life. I love you all!